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LINGUA FRANCA


I Pee Postcards and it Hurts

by Jennifer Baljko

You would have thought after 30 years of hearing my father, grandparents, aunts and uncles speak Croatian at Sunday dinner, osmosis would have set in. I should be able to say something other than "good night" in this Slavic tongue, or at the very least count to 10.

Sadly, language is not my strong suit, and besides, where I grew up, it wasn’t cool to blabber in such an obscure, uncommon dialect. Much of my problem, I believe though, stems from the fact that I’m right-brain dominant, and language, like math and statistics, falls into the side of my head that has grown weak from lack of daily exercise.

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Sure, I took my obligatory high school language classes—French was my choice—and my bastardized version of it has gotten me (just barely) around French Canada and, dare I say, Paris.

Years later, as a daily newspaper reporter occasionally assigned to not-so-uppity stories, a wanna-be traveler to Spanish-speaking places and a type-A personality determined to overcome my lack of language finesse, I took enough Spanish to ask “how many shots were fired?” and “where is the bathroom?” both of which are surprisingly useful when you're on assignment in crime-ridden neighborhoods or suffering from Montezuma's revenge.

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“The village elders thought I was cute, and didn’t have the heart to correct me.”bar

Despite this relatively unsuccessful entry into languages, I pressed on—this time forgoing the Romance Languages and building on the unstable foundation I already laid. In 2002, I decided it was time to get in touch with my Croatian heritage and study the words my grandparents’ think, pray and curse in.

I decided I would visit, for the first time, the central Dalmatian fishing village where my roots were planted. Since my family is in the New York area and I’m in San Francisco, practicing with them was a difficult task. I needed a crash course nearby. I was flying in two months and I couldn’t even string together “Hello. How are you? I am Jennifer.”

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